Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
