i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
