I think I am morally bankrupt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
