She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
