Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
