i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
