Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
