Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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