awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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