I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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