No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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