How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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