I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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