I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
