I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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