did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
