the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize