A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
