Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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