my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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