I am puke
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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