my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
