I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize