True but thats because hes a fetus.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
