I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
