She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
