I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
