I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
