I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
