From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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