she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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