just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
