Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
