Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
