Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
