i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize