someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
