You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize