im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
