my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
