i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
