Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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