first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
