Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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