I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
