Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
