I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
