Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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