So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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