What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
