she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
