i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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