its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tequila makes me forget i have legs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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