when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
