i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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