Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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