I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
