fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
