Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
