remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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