I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
