Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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