I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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