Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
