I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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