Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
