Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
