My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
