You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
