i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
