mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
