I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Shame - the story of my life.
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