He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
