the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
