Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
