I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
