I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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