vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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