hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
