I looked at my own cervix.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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