I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
