his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
