I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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